The sky is falling! The sky is falling! People in the outfit I work for have a sense of impending doom, given the rampant rumors of mass “role eliminations.” It’s like the barrel of fun around here. Well, the part where you throw up at the end of the ride. Now that I mention it, the guy across the hall looks especially queasy. But that’s probably for good reason: He works in Training and everyone knows that’s a bullshit job when there aren’t people left to learn anything new. He’s so gone. (As a sidenote, that’s a shame because every time he goes out to get a burrito he gets me one, too, and never makes me pay him back. He’s always like, “No big deal, we’ll settle up later.” I love people who buy me things. Preferably shiny things, but burritos work, too.)
For the record, I haven’t been laid off (riffed, downsized, separated, eliminated, shitcanned, fired). Yet. But it’s coming, and soon. This is a good time to interject that if you would like to comment about how I probably should be laid off because I’m blogging on company time, don’t overwork your keyboard. I don’t do this on company time. Because that would be a waste of valuable company resources I simply don’t have time, what with generating mass reports about the status of my current, past and potentially future projects so that TPTB can determine if I add value or if they can leverage another resource to tackle my work in addition to their own.
So, I’m doing this blog on my own time. My intent is to bring out the humor in getting laid off. Because there is nothing fucking funnier than going without a paycheck when you have a mortgage, car note and other people who occupy your home and depend on you to oh, say, provide electricity, running water and a bite to eat every now and then.
I’m looking for stories, folks. Stories about getting laid off and how you cried-laughed because it was just so hysterical. It doesn’t have to be your own story. It doesn’t even have to be true.
Tags: Chicken Little
